Maybe being together is stagnating the both of us. Maybe this comfort wrongly serves as a protective barrier on which we rely heavily upon. Instead of encouraging each other to pursue greater prospects we lick our respective wounds and reinforce the notion that mere satisfaction is the ideal.

I feel like I’m withering away. Even though I finally have a plan to get my Bachelor of Education and obtain a teacher’s certificate I feel as though I should have aimed higher. Anthony’s situation mirrors mine and maybe that’s why I can’t comfort him. What can I say? We both lack passion and an earnest drive which brings me to other issues…

 Is it wrong to be together? Is being together making us both lose sight of what we should really focus on at this age? Is being just satisfied with life the key to happiness like I had thought? Perhaps this passive approach at life shouldn’t continue, but would separating really make things better?

Isn’t there any other way I can help him?

An image of a dog (of course a rough collie), a quaint townhouse (or rather, a townhome), and me... and him.
It's something I return to time and time again with that same feeling of "wouldn't it be nice" time and time again.
It's something I bashfully cherish; it's rather embarassing.
Why? I suppose because it's naive. Naive to think that we'd even be together for so long and if we do, then, that we can still keep these young feelings with us. Afterall, everything changes constantly: the priority of ideals and their necessities.
If it was only possible, as ideal romantics would hope to believe, to hold onto one thing, to establish a constant.

I've been struggling, more as of lately for some reason, to comprehend the concept of change.
Actually, no. Not so much the concept but the reason behind .. no..not the reason.. the sheer absoluteness of the reason.
Why... why must the world govern in such a way is the thought that continues to appear in a vivid and alarming flash.
I know the concept; I understand it; I breathe it.
But why... why must the most beautiful things in this world be so short-lived and why do things eventually die.
I know it's so we can appreciate and have things to call beautiful in their ephemerality.
So we can have things to idealize and to mark the human spirit with.
But it's too cruel. To think everything I'm experiencing will one day fade.
It's not true that things can possibly last forever. It isn't.

Thoughts and ideals, even those change over time. And what you have at the end isn't an eternal record of events but a warped and idealized thought and in that form, it isn't ... it wasn't... what you experienced.
Sometimes before I sleep I think, possibly just to irk myself, if this was all a dream.
If this was all a fiction and fabrication of my mind.
And I panic, and I feel desperately lost.
Is this what death is like? If death was the metaphor for an unabashed and unrestrained sorrow, it must be.

This joy, this sorrow, this hope will all come and go in various forms.
Why couldn't there have been a singular constant.
Love fades. Lives end. And joy and sorrow ... joy and sorrow... those are constants.. aren't they?
Yes, yes... the process of emotion must be the constant... the.. the abstract process and comparison of complements.
There will never be a truly sad or happy moment because both of them come into play when either one is experienced.

Yes, this is the constant.

This ebb and flow of emotion must be the everlasting constant which drives us forward.
They are based upon the finality of our experiences but in turn, become.. eternal.

~~~

Even though we might not be together in that time, I'll remember the me that cherishes this thought.

 

"... I want to share many things with you."